I am depressed

I have decided to own that I am depressed. It explains oh so many things. I don't believe it rises to the level of needing medication though. Way to diagnose yourself!

The thing is, what do I do about it?

I don't want professional help. I have not had much success in that area for a couple of reasons. It boils down to the fact that I am to well able to regurgitate what it is the professor therapist wants to hear. Did I ever tell you how great I was at essay tests? I also could never shake the feeling that I was paying someone to be my friend. I did have success in curbing my bulimia thanks to some cognitive behavioral changes that my last therapist suggested but that is the only useful thing that ever came of it.

So what do I do? Part of the problem with the "professionals" is that they want me to spend so much time in the past. Not that that isn't important but it can't be changed. For now I'd prefer to look to the future. What I want to try is creativity. I don't know what form that will take but I have a few ideas that I'd like to flesh out in the next week or so. If I've got all this angst I think I ought to use my power for good. Trouble is it's hard to motivate myself when "those feelings" come over me. Already the voices are starting listing all the reasons why this will never work. Well shut up! I just need to decide on a course of action, remove all emotional attachment to it and commit to it like I would commit to taking a pill three times a day. for 10 days. or two weeks. And see where that takes me. Hey, it's worth a shot.

Here's the thing. The fact that I'm feeling depressed is a good thing. I am allowing myself to feel it and not binging and purging it away.

Now, because I can't keep the negative voices entirely at bay I will allow this one statement. I feel so self centered and self indulgent for feeling this way. I mean, my life is so blessed. So richly blessed. How can I be depressed?

I don't know why but let's move forward and see where you end up. It can't be any worse than where you are.