The Dread Pirate Flubug

It's O-fficial. Flubug has made a most unwelcome visit to our household. It may be better than I think, though. As the Doctor was confirming that, yes, what the Fifteen year old has is indeed "the FLU" he also informed me that It would make it's way through the rest of the household in short order. EXCEPT THAT! We have all already been sick. Granted, it hasn't been on the scale of the Fifteen year old's bedridden ordeal but the symptoms are quite familiar. So I hold out hope.......

Here is my theory. The Three year old started it the week after Christmas, gave it to the Hubby, who gave it to the Girl who gave it to me, who gave it to the Fifteen year old. In addition, I believe that the dreaded virus gathered strength as it moved through the family till it landed on the most sleep deprived physically vulnerable member of the family and did it's worst. Unfortunately the seventeen year old has yet to display the exact same symptoms as the rest of us, but he has been fighting a persistent but low grade cough for the last few weeks so I'm standing by my theory.

I'll know either way in a couple of days because I was coughed right in the face and have been playing nurse/mom for the last four days.

As you wish Dread Flubug.

Harmonic convergence

It's the little things really.

I just realized, as I sat watching the Heroes episode that I taped, that Dr. Who is playing one of the Heroes! Christopher Eccleston is playing Claude the "invisible man" hero. I wonder if the name Claude is an homage to Claude Rains, the original Invisible Man. I'll bet it is.

I didn't recognize Mr. Eccleston at first. It was his voice that gave him away.

I love that show.

If it weren't for the people...

Frustration. Is it my purpose in life to discover and appreciate what all these other people are for? What am I supposed to think? Emergent Church? Health and Prosperity gospel? King James Only? No instrumental music? Earth is only 10,000 years old? Global warming? Tongues? Healing? Immersion only Baptism? Mary? Works? Grace? All of these, and more, in one form or another I have had to work through, around, over and under to get to what I think I believe about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Bible and eternal Life.

I thought it was supposed to be simple.

I know we are supposed to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. I know why. All the know-it-alls and naysayers make me fear and tremble.

I come up against this time and time again. I think I have a grasp on my own beliefs then I am made to feel like I'm either lacking or adding to, and therefore, unworthy. It's like trying to hold on to one of those plastic gel filled tube toys they sell at all the amusement parks. The firmer my grasp the faster it slips from my fist. And yet the naysayers all seem so rock solid in their beliefs.

I know the answer, I do. Keep my eyes on the prize and like the Bereans figure it out for myself. Then what do I need with all these people and their aggravation? I'm seriously asking.

Thanks Oprah

The other night I was laying in bed sick at 9:00 P.M. My 15 year old was next to me doing his homework. I was watching Oprah. She was interviewing the family of the 15 year old young man who'd been missing for four years. I looked over at my 15 year old and imagined what it would be like if I hadn't seen him for four years. I started crying because I just couldn't imagine it. I'm not that tearful a person but that one really got to me so I took advantage of the moment. I tried to appreciate his 15 year oldness and the fact that he was there next to me so casually doing his homework. I know I take my kids for granted. I know I don't fully appreciate the miracles that I've been entrusted with. BUT. I am grateful that our life is such that I am able to take them for granted. I'll just try not to do it so often.

jabberwocky

It's been about a week since I posted anything. I don't want to feel like this blog is a monster that I have to keep feeding. I really didn't feel much guilt staying off for so long. I just wanted to document that.

I am sick right now. Two things I like about being sick.

1. Nyquil
2. I get to see what is on primetime tv.

And Now, because it makes me smile, the Jabberwocky.

Lewis Carroll
Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

nagging

I've been a real nag lately. Not that it hasn't been called for. The offenses are real and threaten to burn down the house. It's just, I hate it when the only thing coming out of my mouth are negative statements. So for the rest of today lets try for a little positive energy OK?

On the positive side there is a Dr. Who marathon going on as we speak. The three year old just asked me "are you going to distroy the world?" I told him no but he added "Well, be careful not to." I deduce three things from this conversation. 1. It's probably not a good idea to let a three year old watch Dr. Who. 2. Wow, am I powerful in his eyes or what? 3. Nagging is contagious

Is it nagging to tell your 17 year old to be careful driving in the sleet/snow/ice?

Don't make me choose

I am grateful that it is God that chooses which children should belong to us. Of course this is easy for me to say because my own children are darn near "perfect". I've never had thoughts about giving them back.

Books, on the other hand are an entirely different animal. If I find myself at the local Borders Bookstore with two bright shiny gift cards in my hand I recieve no devine intervention. No backlit books with angelic choruses directing me to this, that or the other book. I have friends who would tell me that, yes God will choose your books for you and of course far be it from me to limit God. I know he would do it. But, is it necessary for God to micromanage in this particular scenario?

The problem is, the choice is too immense. I am anti-choice.

Complicating matters is the guilt I feel over actually purchasing a book. I mean, isn't the Library just down the street?

You will be happy to know that I held my breath, dove in headfirst, and am now the proud owner of three new books.

How to be Alone: Essays by Jonathan Franzen
Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire
I'm Just Here For the Food by Alton Brown

And I still have $12.80 left on one card. Bonus!?

Channeling Grandma

I am visualizing. I see clean rooms free of clutter. I like the sight.

Reality check

How can I throw out this precious scribble created by my first born son fifteen years ago? Not to mention the companion piece scribbled by the three year old just last night. How can I throw out this ugly worn out fridge magnet? My mom gave it to me. What if I threw it out and not five minutes later I got a call that she'd been hit by a meteor? The shame and the guilt would surely be more than I could bear. Do you get a sense of what I'm up against?

Thanks Grandma, your legacy lives on. For my grandchildrens sake I must conquer this.

Happy Birthday Mister E!

Today is Mister E's birthday. Sadly the birthday celebrations around here are pretty lame. We went out to dinner last night because we have a family obligation this evening. Right now he's out picking up his gift to himself, an air compressor bought with insurance money to fix the little black car that was bumped.

I love him with all my <3

:-)))

Taking it slowly

Well, My "big project" is moving along slowly. I guess having a three year old tends to delay things. I sent the three year old out to get the newspaper this morning. I felt somewhat guilty as I pictured in my mind the little Scottish terrier in the neighborhood that used to do the very same thing. He took great joy in the task, however, and did it with a great deal more jumping and skipping than I have ever managed so I call it a draw. Joy vs Guilt....tied.

Another delay in my process is the fact that I am being forced into service today to get the Christmas stuff put away. The job is made that much easier, in that, I never managed to get all the boxes taken back up after decorating for Christmas in the first place. If I do manage to pull it off my spirits will be lifted for having accomplished something and for having a full third of our living room back from the tree.

I am depressed

I have decided to own that I am depressed. It explains oh so many things. I don't believe it rises to the level of needing medication though. Way to diagnose yourself!

The thing is, what do I do about it?

I don't want professional help. I have not had much success in that area for a couple of reasons. It boils down to the fact that I am to well able to regurgitate what it is the professor therapist wants to hear. Did I ever tell you how great I was at essay tests? I also could never shake the feeling that I was paying someone to be my friend. I did have success in curbing my bulimia thanks to some cognitive behavioral changes that my last therapist suggested but that is the only useful thing that ever came of it.

So what do I do? Part of the problem with the "professionals" is that they want me to spend so much time in the past. Not that that isn't important but it can't be changed. For now I'd prefer to look to the future. What I want to try is creativity. I don't know what form that will take but I have a few ideas that I'd like to flesh out in the next week or so. If I've got all this angst I think I ought to use my power for good. Trouble is it's hard to motivate myself when "those feelings" come over me. Already the voices are starting listing all the reasons why this will never work. Well shut up! I just need to decide on a course of action, remove all emotional attachment to it and commit to it like I would commit to taking a pill three times a day. for 10 days. or two weeks. And see where that takes me. Hey, it's worth a shot.

Here's the thing. The fact that I'm feeling depressed is a good thing. I am allowing myself to feel it and not binging and purging it away.

Now, because I can't keep the negative voices entirely at bay I will allow this one statement. I feel so self centered and self indulgent for feeling this way. I mean, my life is so blessed. So richly blessed. How can I be depressed?

I don't know why but let's move forward and see where you end up. It can't be any worse than where you are.

What I got for Christmas

What a selfish title that is...Oh well. I am writing down here on this very page every single thing that I can remember getting for Christmas this year. The reason is that I remember Chris Bullard once asking us if we could remember what we got for Christmas last year and, yep, you guessed it, I couldn't. I want to try that out next year but have somewhere to come back to and be reminded of what I got. Sad sad thing is, it will be a struggle for me to remember what I got only a week and a half later.

Ok

from hubby I got:

• a new mothers ring
• the Beatles Love CD

From Mom:

• a peachy turtleneck sweater
• a food scale
• Starbucks coffee mugs
• tea
• "Pride and Prejudice" DVD's A&E version!!
  

From Sammy

• coffee

From in laws

• 8x13 silver pan

From sis in law 1

• socks

From sis in law 2

• Mary Kay stuff

Oh Crud, I know I'm already forgetting stuff.

Updates later