The other night I was tossing and turning in bed. Same old story, the Whatifs creeped in. To redirect my thoughts I began to pray which has become my default reaction to sleeplessness. My mind wandered to David. I've been in a study on the life of David since September. We completed the study last Thursday. I've got to say that, surprisingly, David was a hard guy to relate to this time around. I did this same study years ago and didn't have that impression. So, what gives? It may be because he was such a warrior. I'm a soccer mom. See the gap?
So I'm laying in bed thinking my "woe is me" thoughts and saying my "God please help me get to sleep" prayers and I was suddenly awash in feelings of.....well....I would call it humility bordering on shame. I've lived enough life now to know not to trust my feelings, however, so I asked God to enlighten me. Here's my take. Sometimes I say to God things like, you are my only hope, or my last hope when all else fails. Last hope is not wrong but it's not best. What if instead of my last resort God became my first hope. What if I lived as if the battle was already won. Isn't that what David did???? Maybe it doesn't seem like that big a distinction but it sort of turned on a light bulb in my brain. Instead of groveling I could be leaping and dancing.
At this very moment I am fighting the instinct to point out what a miserable place the world can be. Ok, I just did. Change takes time. Sheesh. But I will try now, when wrapping my brain around a problem, to really believe that God is on my side. Not that He is on my side even when I am wrong, but that He desires what is in my best interests. So, when things don't go the way I expect them too I know that he is nudging me towards righteousness.
Most of all I think that I need to spend more time being in love with God just because He is.
That's what I learned from King David.