Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Inhale, Exhale, Repeat.

A couple of weeks ago our family began a new normality. The rug was pulled out from underneath me for a brief time and left me in a bit of crisis vortex for a while. What I'm trying to say is, my family is facing a difficult problem at this time. One good consequence of growing up in a constant state of semi-crisis is the knowledge that, this too shall pass. Or, if it doesn't pass, it will soon be integrated into life-as-you-know-it. So our current crisis has started to weave it's way in.

I'd like to be less vague but it is not exactly my problem to share. What I can share is how I now fight feelings of being a complete failure as a parent. I am occasionally able to put those feelings into perspective but it's a constant battle. A battle because one of the very things that I had hoped to protect my child from has now reared it's ugly evil head. Ugh. No one is in imminent danger of death, divorce or even dismemberment but this is serious stuff. Hopefully we have caught this thing early enough to keep it from becoming as destructive as it once was to me.

So why bother even saying anything about it on this blog? I don't know really. I considered several times over the last couple of weeks bagging it all up and calling it a day and taking my blogging offline. I considered moving my blog elsewhere and beginning again with a clean slate. I've actually done that a couple of times now. I'm going to hang in there (or here), though, because this thing has actually done me a lot of good in the last year. It is a creative outlet that doesn't leave a mess around the house. It's about as simple as that.

I hope to have more to share about this new normality. It may be that I can only share how I am affected by it or how God is working through these circumstances but It will not become the definition of my life. There is still a dog that needs attention, toilets to clean and a four year old who tells me my chubby tummy makes a good pillow. All is not lost.

See ya soon.


HeyJules said...

Hang in there, girl. Let me know if there's something specific I can be praying for.

And you're right...this too shall pass.

Sue said...