Tuesday, November 6, 2007

One insecurity down......

Is there anyone out there who can introduce me to an artist that isn't completely, inherently, deeply, fundamentally, insecure about their work. We are all able to "sell it" I know. But does anyone really, Really, believe in what they are doing? Sorry, my cynicism is showing.

I'm working on a job right now that I have absolutely no confidence in. In fact I turned it down at first because it really isn't my style or strength but in time I was talked into taking it. I think the person offering it to me is a little desperate. Plus, the money before Christmas ain't bad. I am preparing myself constantly to lose this job, though, and it's a very distinct possibility for several reasons. Reasons which don't even have that much to do with competence but in the end that's where I end up, feeling completely incompetent. I was really letting it get to me. But then Nebraska lost the football game to Kansas on Saturday and I was watching Coach Callahan try to explain his team and suddenly my little anxieties didn't stack up. I transferred my anxieties in empathy for the coach and his team. Oddly enough, it really helped. It gave me enough distance so I could put it in a new perspective. Oh I'm still nervous and all, but it gave an opportunity to allow me to let God have my anxiety. I have to constantly remind myself to give it up but it reminds me that no matter where I end up with this job, with it or without it, competent or not, that is where God wants me to be. I'm trying to see the bigger picture.

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


HeyJules said...

"We are all able to sell it..."

We are? I can't even get to THAT point yet!

Shalee said...

I don't think this applies to just artist. I find that there are times I lack the confidence in myself to be acceptable to others, to be a sound worker, to have this role as mom. (If that's not a place for wonder and discouragement, then I really don't know what is!)

But the verse you selected is just perfect, no matter the situation. There is nothing that God can't see us through... even parenting.

Susan said...

HeyJules, Your work speaks for itself and when the time comes it will sell itself.
I think "selling it" is something I learned during our little critique sessions at Art school. No matter what piece of cr@p we had on display that week we were forced to defend it. Ack! the memories.

Shalee, what are you even talking about!? I am completely confident in my parenting, well, until my children start pointing out my flaws. But then I ground them. HA! No, really, you are completely right.

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