Somebody stop me

I just read that our marching band's program for next year will feature music by Chuck Mangione. I spent many a night attached to the earphones listening to Mangione's records. (How awkward it feels to say record.)

Now I have a sudden desire to relive my teenage angst and am in great danger of going on an itunes binge. Children of Sanchez, here I come.

Thank you King David

The other night I was tossing and turning in bed. Same old story, the Whatifs creeped in. To redirect my thoughts I began to pray which has become my default reaction to sleeplessness. My mind wandered to David. I've been in a study on the life of David since September. We completed the study last Thursday. I've got to say that, surprisingly, David was a hard guy to relate to this time around. I did this same study years ago and didn't have that impression. So, what gives? It may be because he was such a warrior. I'm a soccer mom. See the gap?

So I'm laying in bed thinking my "woe is me" thoughts and saying my "God please help me get to sleep" prayers and I was suddenly awash in feelings of.....well....I would call it humility bordering on shame. I've lived enough life now to know not to trust my feelings, however, so I asked God to enlighten me. Here's my take. Sometimes I say to God things like, you are my only hope, or my last hope when all else fails. Last hope is not wrong but it's not best. What if instead of my last resort God became my first hope. What if I lived as if the battle was already won. Isn't that what David did???? Maybe it doesn't seem like that big a distinction but it sort of turned on a light bulb in my brain. Instead of groveling I could be leaping and dancing.

At this very moment I am fighting the instinct to point out what a miserable place the world can be. Ok, I just did. Change takes time. Sheesh. But I will try now, when wrapping my brain around a problem, to really believe that God is on my side. Not that He is on my side even when I am wrong, but that He desires what is in my best interests. So, when things don't go the way I expect them too I know that he is nudging me towards righteousness.

Most of all I think that I need to spend more time being in love with God just because He is.

That's what I learned from King David.

venting

That title may be too provocative.

I have some things I need to get off my chest, so to speak. I would like to work through some things concerning body image and raising a teen girl. It has the potential to get personal and I sort of detest getting personal in a public forum. Even a well hidden public forum such as this. Hidden as in certain family members are not aware of it. Anyway, it is something I would like to, if not resolve, take to the next level. This blog entry is my way of easing into it.

I may have just said a whole lot of nothing but it's all I can manage at this point. More to come.

Grown up vs Old

Things that make me feel all grown up:

1. listening to NPR
2. reading the newspaper
   
3. drinking black coffee
4. going to movies with subtitles
5. staying up late to watch Charlie Rose
6. listening to a Dvorak symphony

Things that my kids say make me old.

1. All of the above
2. My everlasting love of Barry Manilow

I say it's a matter of perspective, I mean, I can recite all the lyrics to "My Humps". Somehow my children aren't impressed, especially when I serenade their father in their presence. I just don't know.

The point of this post however is to work up to a commitment I've made. I've agreed to go running with my daughter, every day, more or less. More likely it will be a fast walk punctuated by wailing and gnashing of teeth. One thing is for sure though. It will surely make me feel my age.

Updates to follow.