In a perfect world

If the world were a fair place then I would have an apple computer. But like I tell my kids.....

I was home over the weekend to see my brother, who was in town, and meet his girlfriend. All in all it was a surreal experience that made me feel as if I was back in high school, which was the last time I uttered girlfriend and brother in the same sentence. Ok, college.

Said brother had his new apple computer and for better or worse left it in my hands for much of my visit. Oh the things I could do. The scary scary things. Let me introduce you to my brother. My mom. Me.

One day it will be mine.

Inward and Outward

People do some crazy things. I was directed to this article via another blog this morning and it's hit me like a ton of bricks. Here is a man committing an insanely selfless act, that will likely end in his death. Compare that to an insanely selfish act committed earlier this week that did end in the death of the instigator and so many other innocent souls.

Compare and Contrast.

• Neither of them knows especially well those for whom they are committing these acts.
• Both are motivated by the desire to draw attention to injustice, one very real injustice and the other mainly perceived.
• Both are separated\isolated from friends and family.
• One gets the attention of a voracious media beast only too willing to feed on the tragedy of others.
• One gets a lonely little story in the Washington Post. At least that's all that came up on Google news.

What if the media went after this story as aggressively as they do the VT shooting story. Giving it the attention of the Anna Nicole story, even, would be a start.

I am humbled and confused by a fellow human in this day and age who would think so far outside himself. Oh God, that I would remember him next time I am fretting over my own inward struggles.

Why

So, I've spent the day avoiding the news coverage. Well, that's not quite true. I watched several morning shows. The thing is, being a news junkie I have a tendency to overload on national tragedy and then end up in a downward spiral. Highly unproductive. But that's the thing. I think we all feel the need to DO something helpful at times like these. We can debate how messed up we are as a nation but I believe the majority Americans just want to know, what can I do to help, how can I make this better. Even though nothing can make this better. So, what can I do? I pray, I fret, I worry. I want to do something tangible.

My boys

This is a picture of the Three year old last night on the eve of his fourth birthday. With his daddy.

The three year old turns four years old today! It has been four years of being reminded of things forgotten only to turn around and say goodbye to them. Some for forever. Some will be revisited again someday, God willing, via grandchildren.

With my first three babies everyone said enjoy this time, because they grow up so quickly. What a great sentiment. Impossible to live up to but great none the less. Now, with number four we can appreciate the speed at which time passes. With the luxury of distance and built in babysitters we can relish every milestone and give it the attention it is due. There is a reason the baby of the family is spoiled.

Perspective really is a blessing. From the time he was born there was a familiarity with the rhythms of having a baby around. What might have overwhelmed me at age 26 with my first baby seemed comfortable with this one. I knew that the late nights would not go on forever. I knew he wouldn't eventually need therapy if I left him to cry all alone for awhile to take a shower. I also knew it wouldn't ruin his sleep schedule forevermore if I let him take an entire nap in my arms or fall asleep with us in bed on occasion. I know sugar is not the enemy, it is a powerful ally in times of potty training. I know to call the doctor/nurse first before going to the emergency room, so you know your insurance will cover it and so you can blame the nurse that sent you there if the emergency room personnel look at you like some overly neurotic overprotective parent.

It's not all a bed of roses, though. I have found that I am without a common demographic. I don't really feel at home with the young mothers of his peers and I don't exactly have the freedom of the other moms of teens that are my age to "do lunch" or get together at a moments notice. Sometimes I feel a twinge of regret that I am "to old to be doing this" or that it infringes on my freedom to pursue the dreams and goals I had for myself at this stage of my life. But, in the cold harsh light of reality there really is no comparison. One belly laugh from a four year old can melt away the harshest of regrets. It doesn't mean they don't pop up from time to time though, and with a little imagination dreams and goals can be met in other ways. I just need to discover what they are.

You know what? He's turning out to be a cool kid. He says please and thank you and he can eat a meal in a restaurant without having to be threatened with corporal punishment. He loves to dance and sing and draw and his role model is Spongebob Squarepants. His best friend could be one of the ants I am desperately trying to destroy or some kid at the park he just met. I see glimpses of the kind of person he will become and I find I really like him.

Happy birthday my littlest boy.